Free ambient industrial mp3 music dark pain noxious evisceration

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Noxious Evisceration

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Noxious Evisceration
O p e n A r m s o f P a i n Track Listing
fear it's self
flies - hate myself
life isn't so bad
screwing myself
you want to be friends
thrown away
ugly highway
adrien
plastic world
winding aggression
crying sky
abuse
cure for the violence
down in it
filling my head
once you here this
see me
the great collapse
welcome (a,b)
hurt me more
a warm place
forsaken love Now Available
for CD
send $4.00 to:
Keith R. Rich
1605 Donalyn Dr. #12
Rock Springs, WY 82901

Enclosed with in this page is my music.
It may be dark.
It may be evil.
It may cause nightmares.
It may even be wrong.
Yet with all regardless.
Here it is for you.
Please listen and enjoy.

Listen at your own risk
Take your time to here it
Listen to the few words
Enjoy the dark sounds
Ask little from the gods
See this as sound
Here it as the music

upon the pages

here with in

Track 01 Evil Manipulation MP3

Sometimes new ideahs change the way in which you see the world. I have such an ideah, it is called open mindedness. This is a state the rest of the world can not be.
I can't belive how pathetic I truely am
I actually beieved the women were the gentle side of man kind
I actually felt that one could love a woman
But the pain she handed me, wasn't fit for life
I have come to realize that women are evil
The evil side of man unkind
Men destroy what lies about
Because they need the evil that is women
With out this evil they would die
I actually beleived there was goodness in side the world
Now I see what is truely here

Track 02 The Raping of my Heart MP3

The tastes of pain. And she must be the only woman I know that has to lie to get laid. She had to lie to me.

Track 03 Reason for LoveMP3

I knew there was a reason. Taken out above. I knew there was a reason, a reason for love.

Track 04 Cradle Of Delicate Thunder MP3

    Here I sit inside another childish obsession wishing my life away with the rivers of time... wishing and wanting a taste of escape to the cradle of the darkness.. An escape from the thundering sounds of the guilt and the pain...
that special place where you can not go but alone...
    And so you now but know the truth about what it is that I have not said for the cradle of darkness carries me away below the feet of mine enemies. And as I war with my soul at the end of my path of life I beheld the battle cries of darkness. For I have died and in thyne own life had deserved far less of a death then I had gone for my hand has pull my life from me so much swifter then I had earned. And so thunders on my torment and pain and the beating of a war with in mine own minds eye… I deserve the thunder with in this dark coffin.
    So what the hell am I suposed to do? Die for you? you want me to die for you?    Die for you?

    At last I have taken a time to reason
        My mind is my own and my heart is yours
    I love the way you touch me
        When I can get these pleasures from you
    I am all wrapped up with in reasons
        I am taken by your single words
    I am happy with this dissidence
        I am happy with your mere words
    You take me to an exotic place inside
        Where I realize you do you truly love me
    Where you control every thing that must happen
        And I am forced to deal with every thing I am
    All day long I dream about you
        Though not even half these dreams will ever come true
    I enjoy my needs to touch you
        And so much enjoy how they don't come true
    I am addicted to your state of being
        I can't live with out the pains you give me
Track 05 Winding Agression MP3

    Oh to bleed and kill and hate and fuck with the man unkinds need to feel. Oh how it is to find a way to kill the pains inside that seem to tear away at the life of man both unkind and the pain that man unkind dose so do to it's self. I feel the end of the world.
    Oh to sit and watch the world destroy it's self in one mortal blow and killing times and feeling fine and to watch the world glow. Oh the time I wish it would all end when the species that hates its own blood dose so rule this world.
    And I know that man unkinds only feeling is hate I can see the world this way when it just gets in the way and all and all again I can watch it come to an end for I know that it will never change. It is our death when we forget how to love.
    And so you sit to rot away and die beneith the spinning score of life...
    Man kind is so disturbing. It is amazing how they can destroy. How they can just wreck whatever it is that lays around them with out a care. With out remorse.

Track 06 And Then There Was You MP3

Could you ever understand what I am talking about? Let me stand hear and speak to you as if you were my actual first love on a trial. I will picture that I am hear suing for the control of my life. This is hypothetical of corse because she is happy with some one else and she needs to be happy as I do. I know she can not be happy with me so in no way could I ever expect her to be mine. But still you need to know how I feel so you understand why I am the man I am. Once inside my own mind I have come across a though so pure and true. An idol obsession of the thoughts I have of you. Dreams that have been with me a entire life time now. Memories of the nothingness you and I never had. Delusions of you and I together. Happiness never really meant that much to me. All I have ever known in my life are these feelings for you. Look into my eyes, hollowed emptiness is all you have left behind. For so long you have led me down this path. I do not where to go now since you have left, I am lost. I am just a mere shell of existence with out you. When I close my eyes I can see only you standing before me just as you were the first time we exchanged glances form across the room. You see it is deep from with in, from the darkness I call my soul, that I will speak to you. From my cold, dark heart will my words come from. You see we, you and I, have the perfect love affair. Perfect in every way. You show me you affection so sweet and delicately that I may be so enticed to think that it is love. You do not mean to do this but there it is, falling out on to me. I see this care and warmth come form and upheld by you. Some where deep with in my self I think this time I will for ever become yours or rather you become mine for I am always yours as your beckon call. I feel that you and I could be together just once. I for ever wish and hope and pray to this, but nothing ever becomes of it. Nothing except this pain. This pain and emptiness in side is all I have learned to live for. Dreams and thoughts of you drift threw my mind, your soft lips I wish one day would touch mine. My mind escapes to another train of thought. I do not think I could live with out these feelings for you. I have grown to love this the pain. I always know that my dreams are dreams and I am successful at this pain. I mean because of this pain I can cope with any other pain I could ever feel because this is misery and there is no worse pain. You have given me a means of witch I can relate to others. I accept these pains as a blessing from you as if an angel. You have made me a part of the rest of humanity. I have used this pain to become successful in my life. I enjoy the suffering of witch I must endure. I have become independent from my sins. I have made a life from you, just not with you. Please let me thank you for the man you have made me. You give me an enduring touch of heart. This clings to my own heart like delicate leafs of gold. I watch you walk away from my attention and the leaves wither away to ashes, darkening my soul. My heart blackens like the pitch of a road, and births pain and confusion. These pains bleed from my fingers and scream for enduring renewal. They scream for you. My mind hears these screams as silent whispers and saves them as tender thoughts. This tenderness with in my mind sees your sweet figure every time I close my eyes. The thoughts my mind exposes to my heart causes the leafs of gold to reform with out you having to be with me. Reality hits me with all of it's black force and these leaves turn to the black ashes that will coat my heart again and again. This is the vicious circle of infatuation that I live every waking hour. My own obsession of this infatuation greatens the pain until all of me hurts and aches. This is the pain witch I love. This is the pain witch reminds me of my loneliness. The loneliness owe, the ever present loneliness. How for with out it could I live in this life. Why should I try to live with out my loneliness. Loneliness brings out in me all of my favorite emotions. My emotions lead out to my sins and these sins are laid to words. Sin is all witch might bring passion to my words. You see now? With out you there would be no passion. You are why my words have meaning. Mostly you are the meaning of my every word. My mind is so full warped interpretations of reality that I have lost all reasoning with out you. I have forgotten the differences between what is wrong or right or what should or shouldn't be said. All I ever see is you and this is what I most love. I love, I live for, the pain that thinking of you brings to me. The pain that makes me who I am. This is all I will ever live for. You and you alone make me good at every thing I do. I have learned because of you the meaning of every thing at all. You have showed me that I will never be worth what I am to become. I guess this is where this all ends. I have told you every thing that I have become I have become because of you. Take one more step and destroy even this. Please I need this for I am loosing this all in every word I speak. The pain has become numb and I can not live with out a constant pain. Please I beg you to start all of this again for it is burning out. Please.

Track 07 Cure For The Violence MP3

Kill the sons of man
Kill the sons of man
Kill these men
Select the jury... man must kill man to kill man to bread the violence and raise the peace of the violence to tolerate violence to cure the violence we need violence...
Bread the violence with violent ways to cure the violence we must incite violence for the violence that breads hate could possibly bread the hate wich insites the violence wich causes the hate. We all must die for we must die by violence....
"lyrics"
This is the cure for the violence
This is the cure for the violence
This is the cure for the violence
Kill the sons of man
This is the cure for the violence
This is the cure for the violence
This is the cure for the violence
Kill the sons of man

Track 08 Object Of Masicism MP3

For in the eye of the storm there is a time with in ones life were they must give their control to another. But only wish for a moment that these are a person of wich they trust... one wich will hurt but not kill with the control that of wich they are given...
So let us then trust those who give us the most pain... those who sponsor our missory... those who lick our wounds...
And let us feed upon the sick...
Let us prey upon the week
Let us take that wich is life
Let us die amonst our own kind...
We are but the most hidious vile creations.
we are but man...
So be it this wretched truth. We are the largest pain of our own creation. We are our own dark misery. We are what makes man so unkind. We burn down what we do not wish to see. We cut down all that supports us. We kill the world around us. We bite the hand that feeds us. So why is it we are here? Why are we to destroy and destroy and not die amongst our own petrified creations? What is there to support us when our job is done? We will get what we disserve for all gets what they disserve. What are we expecting to do when all of this is gone?

Track 09 If You Weren't Here I'd Die MP3

I can only blame my self for letting you hurt me these ways...
I can only blame myself
    Time and time again I regret my need for your touch. I feel like I am the criminal in our love, and yet, I know at times, this is not true. How could I ever explain the feelings I have. My feelings for you have taken me to new conscious heights. My ever adulterated love has been satisfied by the simple fact that you are. You are every thing to me. Day in and day out you are the only thought that of which is on my mind. I don't understand why my needs are so direct. How could I ever explain in so many words that what I need from you sexually is not meant in disrespect. I love your attention and the simple touch of your hand. Though threw and threw the only hamper in our relationship is my constant need for sex. How else could I explain that I would do this more then you could imagine to satisfy my bestial desire. Yet I settle for so little out of pure respect for you. I do not want you to feel as if this is the only reason I am with you. I do not want you to think this way of me. I do not ask when I come home for work, before I go, after dinner as I would like. I ask very little as compared to the times I would. If this entire relationship were going my way we would be doing this act every waking moment together until the end of time. Yet I do not ask as much as I would like. You do not have the needs I do. So out of my love and compassion for you I do not ask. I do not wish for the wrong intention to be cast as to how I feel about you. So I sit here frustrated, incomplete, wanting. I ever so would like to be with in your arms, yet the excitement of the moment compels me to want more. And I can not ask for I do not wish for you to think I am with you for the wrong reasons. And inside I hurt. It hurts to know that your needs are not being for filled. And I am sorry for wanting so much from you. I just wish what more I will have to give for you to be comfortable accepting this about me and caring about my needs as I care about yours. What would it take from me for you see this need as something other then a problem. I ask you if you think I am crazy, you say no with your words but scream yes with you heart. And that or your love for me is misintended or false. So tell em what am I to do. I suffer for my love to you as you could never understand. I care from the heart more about you then I do myself, and I hurt. I hurt as only I know how to do. I hurt this way for my love for you.
     I do not wish us apart. Even in pain I am so much happier with you. I only wish there were a way to make this rejection and pain go away. I wish you hadn't told me how much more they had meant to you. I wish you had not told me how much you were willing to do for them that of which you are not willing to do for me. You show me time and time again that I do not mean as much to you as they ever did. It makes me want to know what is so wrong about me and you say nothing. If it is that bad I should no longer be alive. My love for you causes this hurt and this hurt causes me to hate my self for what I am. I am not proud of who I have become. I am not proud to be alive.
yet I love you still
This will never change
Track 10 I Only Told You I Loved You MP3

Why for do the angles drag me into this pit of absolute uncertainty and doubt. What have they against me that they would torture my soul in such an ungodly way? Why have they introduced inside me this feeling of pure hell? Why did I have to fall in love?This is the point of conscious vomit that wares away at a man's soul. Such the terrible pain, torment, and guilt. What have I done to disserve this act of positive embarrassment? And though I have laughed and tried true to restore my dignity as a man, the steal moon has cast it's burning rod of emotions with in my soul. What am I to do from here? I have taken from my self all that I have though was evil and yet now I find my self with in so much confusion the items that unfold my life come back to haunt me like the plague. Where now am I to pitch this bottle which carves my soul into these scrolls of words. May be I should start from the beginning as the story unfolds to now. My lover was a bit of a tyrant, her sexual desires drove me to the points of evil pleasures. Her body was that of a whore and all my perverted functions could be satisfied by her. Sex was above innocent, it was dirty and nasty. Her understanding for my staying needs was above all any man could ask for. She was open to any and all things. Yet threw all this sex and filth I had no need for her, I ever burned with in for the power to love. And all this relationship was for me was sex. I had realized that my emotional being wasn't capable of loving another since the one I had loved did so turn me away and leave me with in my self. She left me near dead inside of my self and alone. My heart did bleed for her and my eyes shed their last tears. And alone I was to wallow with in my bottle and pain. Alone I was until I met the woman who satisfied my sexual needs. Yet sex to me has now become unimportant. I had thought at times I could not love. I told my self over and over and time again that the one feeling I had for one girl was the closest real love I would ever feel. Sure I cared for every woman I had copulated with, but love is a deep pure emotion which effects a man from deep with in. care is some thing that is voluntarily given, and love hits you like a hurricane. Love is the mixture of every emotion a man can feel wrapped with in one little ball. A mixture of hate, need, lust, and happiness which grows when you are not looking and finally runs you down on a dark night. It flattens you under its power and locks your mind away from reason. It is the purest feeling that a man can behold.I wasted eight years of the life of a woman who would do any thing for me. I wasted her time as she loved me and from me not a moment of love was returned. I never bore to her my chastity, in fact I did just and absolute opposite. I still lived my life as a bachelor would and tasted the flesh of many a fair maiden. And she yet followed me, as her heart would not see me as I truly was.And a time had come when a girl had caught my eye. She looked to me the part of a princess, a woman so much more then I could ever have. And instant of her time while selling her my goods and her voice forever lingered with in my ears. Many a night had my dreams been of her, many a dark fantasy and secret desire. But yet forever more I saw her as a princess and my self as a popper, and 'tis the reason I had never opened up to her. My attraction was kept a secret. It is also as well and totally unintentional I had given up on my side romances. I never planned to but at the time I had noticed this princess I had also began to not notice the woman who had so before occupied my time. And my need to spend time at a woman's bed had decreased. My work became more important to me then ever before.A year had past of my attraction becoming hidden. The need to talk with this princess clouded my thoughts threw out every day. I though of her more and more every time I could see her and finally I began with the excuses to get closer to her. Days of being with her led to my want to touch her. I could see her life and wanted a way to join it. I could only think of one way to do it and I decided on honesty. I told her of my eight-year-old sexual affair and my infidelity. She did not tell me to go away. Delicate as matters were she seemed daily to want to get closer to me as well. Her invitations became more sincere and my life began to revolve around when I could be in her presence. The sexual side of her seemed to be second thought, as I needed only her companionship. I had to be with her and near her. I couldn't understand why, and never at this point knew what these feeling were. It seemed just to happen, I touched her and caressed her. Our passion flowed as is from a cup of the sweetest uncommon wine. The moment was perfect in every way. She and I shared a loving moment and from that night the light of our affair shifted. I thought of my only love one last time. The princess had taken me, my heart, and my soul with this the feelings of love. Yet really I still could not see this feeling growing with in. maybe it was that I had seen the feeling and wanted to avoid the pain. I still do not know for at this moment when our relation ship laid itself with in our bed together as one I still did not offer her my chastity. Yet instead I did so gain the access of another lover. And it was this night that I did so lay with the other lover that I cared beyond my heart. I did not give her my sweet fluids but instead left enraged at my self for what I had done. I hated my self for not seeing what I had felt and wished only to die that night for betraying my heart. I realized I had fallen in love with the princess and that big ball of emotions rolled up from behind me and crushed me. Flat I lay on my back smashed by the ball of emotions that carried me to this roller coaster. And so for the princess and my feelings I left the woman who would please me. But not fully, for the princess and I were not talking. We had a small argument and she was upset with me. My need to be with her and my want for her had taken up my days. The stress and guilt took over my mind. I had decided that I could love again and since it were my situation that had pulled us apart I would leave the situation in case I had found another. So I left, and was alone. Again as before I was left with the pains of having had loved. This time only with practice, and memories. The bottle was far from my reach for you must have money to access the friends of betrayal and I had none. All I was left with was my longing for the princess, my need for her warmth and comfort. This was to happen and I was the cause. My self hate began to rage with in. yet it was my letters which I had wrote to her that brought her back to me. My words to her that told her I was sorry and that I needed her. It was only the truth for the feelings in my heart began to break away at every thing I was. I was in love for the first time in many years, and love is the most powerful of emotions. For love breads all other emotions. So begins this struggle of absolutes that brings me to this page. She is magic to me and carries with in her all I could ever want and need. I am a much different person that I can ever reminder being. My feeling for her run so true as the great rivers. Yet she is the princess and I am a mere popper who holds not a candle to any other that could share her time. I have nothing to offer her but my love and affection. I wish for her to be my bride. I wish her mine forever more. I will give to her my absolute every thing and to her alone I offer her my chastity. Yet what is all of that to a princess, she need the material things in life to support her. I have at this moment no job or money. What kind of life am I to give her. So the angles drag me deeper with in my self. They pull and push me around strangling my thoughts. They tare into my dreams. I am devoted to this princess and the angles grind this into my soul. They wish for me to go crazy I feel and they rip me apart. I can not expect the princess to keep me around like some mangy pet. I know she will soon grow tired of me and cut my rope, setting me free into a life I don't want. I life with out her. What is it I am supposed to do from here I do not know. I can feel their fingers ripping deeper into my flesh. Harsh realities drive me further into this dishonorable range of servitude and guilt. I am with my princess yet my happiness is so unsure. I fear now that I can not keep her. The taste of her flesh lingers with in my head. The thoughts of her fill my mind. Every time I see her I die inside. This princess has become all of every thing to me.

I do so die with in my dreams....

Oh lovely, how I wish we were together
tasting the breeze going by
feeling the heat of summer
the heat of two lovers
the heats of passion
Oh lovely, how I wish we were the same
needing the cool breeze
to cool us down
as we sit close
and feel our needs
Oh, with in the passion
of sweet sweet sorrows
I close my eyes
wishing only to have heard your voice
to have touched your flesh
to have been responsive to you if you would have tryed.
Okay sure I may not be every thing
But you excite me and I like to be excited.
I just want you.
The mystery of what you hold.
It excites me.
Not knowing the taste of your flesh.
It excites me.
Not hearing your voice.
It excites me.
Not knowing where to touch you.
It excites me.
I like to be excited by you.
I want you to use me.
I want to be used by you.
If only you were here.
Please but give to me...
      Give me what it is I need to feal alive. Give me all you have to give. Give me what it is I want from you. Give me every thing.
    I am begging you to realize that I am in misery. I want you to know how much pain I feel. I want you to know my pain. I want you to see what you do. I want you to care. All I want is to know that you give a fuck about what you do to me. Do you even care that I would rather be dead. Do you think I would rather be this dark. When I look at you all I think about is the happiness you once gave me. The only real taste of happiness I have ever felt. When you say the things you say I realize that only with you have I ever been happy and I can see that I will never feel this way with out you. I can see that you will not let me feel this way with you so I have to choose one or the other and either way I will not be happy. I want only to be this way again.

    As I close my eyes
     This is the way it goes
    I get what I deserve
     It's just the way it is
    The pain hurts just so much
     But I can take it now
      So... hurt me that I can feel alive
      So... beat me that you know I'm here
      So... hurt me that I know you know
      So... kill me that I give you all
    I can feel you hurting me
     I feel you hurting me
    I can feel as you hurt me
     I feel you hurting me so
    I can feel you hurting me now
     I do feel you hurting me
    I can feel it as you hurt me
     I do so feel you hurting me
      So... touch me that I'd know your there
      So... hit me that I feel your touch
      So... hurt me that I know you care
      So... kill me that you have everything

"lyrics"
Can't you see what all you meant to me
Since I gave up and let you into my mind
I can't fall asleep true now
I have told you I love you
Parasite

Track 11 To Be The Next Gen MP3

ON LINE
I AM
ME

I AM
MY OWN
MACHINE

ON LINE
I AM
NOT
ALONE

ON LINE
I AM
NOT
ALONE

And to you
I am the sound
The voice
The words
The heart
OF
NOXIOUS

So sweet are the sorrows that of which give us the memories of tomorrow the heart ache knowing you are to leave me with in my self the taste of all my fears.
So sweet this oblivion the vortectual enteration of hate and justice with in the pain of remembering that which will once come soon enough. And so I am handed my judgement as you give me this final taste of pain.
This is my reality which you unfold before me. Leave me standing here with my heart on the ground and my dick in my hand. Leave me amongst my self. I hate this loneliness you are about to give me as you take my every thing away.
Tonight so true I have woke to tell you Words that of which I have often said Tonight yet tired with true meaning These words of which I have always meant To say I love you with every breath I love you with every beat of my heart I would do any thing so you might feel So you would feel this deeply to me as well I will once and for always love you so I will love you until the end of time I am loving you with my every footstep Loving you in every foot of every mile I love you with every bead of sweat I bare I will love you with every breath I take For all of which I will do today and tomorrow I do to show you how much you really mean to me I do this all to show you what I am worth And to show you I am worth your love as well So from here I will do for you as lovers do I will walk to the ends of the earth and back I would do this all to show you I truly mean it When I say I would do any thing at all for you

Track 12 To Have Once Loved You MP3

    enter the oblivion
as a child, thought of which is down on their knees begging for forgiveness from a false
god of injustice and indignity.
Where are the children of my heart ache and pain now. Where is my needless obsession.
And who is to say I am not the real god, the god of which pain
and misery will be handed out upon my throne of shit and death. My member of life
and love have a meaning and yet I do so much like the pain. The pain of being alive in this shitty
world amongst the flies of indignity. Let the pain and suffering begin as it always has. Let my love begin again as she sits and laughs at my self hate. This I am a god to, the being of some ones afflictions and need to hurt me. I am needed to be hurt. So I abound my self with in these pains. I hurt myself by letting my feelings be treasured. I am in pain and I let myself be hurt this deep way. For no one will speak to me when they can not hurt me and no one would keep me if they did not need to hurt another. And I am the idol in the corner against god that they use to carry out their need for infliction of pain. I am the one to suffer for the likes of those around me. Make me hurt so I might feel real. Make me hurt as only you know how. Oh my love for I love you make me miserable and make me hurt make me realize why I live to be led into such pain and misery. Cheat on my mind and soul and use what you will to throw me away when you are done and set me aside when you need not inflict pain upon another. Hurt me as you need to, for I am alive for now and let this flesh crawl around my skin. You are no different then all those before you, you have a need to make me hurt. I can take all of your pain. I can take all you have to give. Beat me with your good stick and make me bleed. Make me hurt as you feel you need to. Trust me as your slave and tie me to the wall. Be my greed that I have none of. Love me as you have always loved me...
      KILL ME
      FEEL ME
      TASTE ME
      BEAT ME
      LOVE ME
      HATE ME
      TREAT ME
      AS YOU DO..

"lyrics"
Some how this meant everything
You
I can't believe all what I gave to you
I see you in all my dreams
And I can't forgive you
An answer
Comes inside

Track 13 You Meen Every Thing To Me MP3

    I can't resist what it is you hold
    You are the only thing in this whole world
    You are every thing to me
    No matter the what the pain
    No matter what you put me threw
    I just can't control how I feel
    You have me under your thumb
    You have control of me
    I have been taken by you
    It is my last time at love
    I will give you every thing
    It is my last time in love
    My love for you, it carries me threw
    My love for you, means every thing
     Though I don't know where my life is heading
     I don't even know if I am worth any thing
     Though I am so confused about how you feel
     And I don't even think you love me…
     My love for you, it carries me threw
     My love for you, means every thing…
         When I close my eyes I think of you. You are my every thought and dream. You mean everything to me. You alone hold my heart. And though you are not here, I hold you with me and think only of you.
     My love for you, it carries me threw
    My love for you, means every thing…
     Though I don't know where my love is heading
    I don't even know if I am worthy of this
     Though you never tell me why I am here
    And I don't feel like you want me…
     My love for you, it carries me threw
    My love for you, means every thing…
     All I know is that I love you
    I am always thinking of you
     And all I want is you.

I Wish I Knew There's something in my head... lovely words that I never said. I hold you close in the darkness... dreaming alone in my lonely bed. These the dreams you'll ever know... only watch as my heart beats cold. I never knew who was talking to you... so could never say exactly how I felt I NEVER KNEW!! You see me smile from across the room... my dreams I only wish you could see. I never knew who lives here with me... I never knew this love could come. These things I never seem to say... would let a ton of burden from me. My soul grows darker, loneliness grows... I wish I had told you sooner things. I NEVER KNEW! I've been through my days of pain... I know the answers far to late. I know what I've seen inside... a reflection hidden away. Now that these dreams of you... these come back to many times. This is all the reason for pain, I know it true... I know I love you. I NEVER KNEW!
    And so I give this away....
    And so I treat my self to the pain
      Beat me with your heart
      Beat me with your mind
      take me for all I am worth

          I am to be given to the agression
          And I am to be true
           and I am to hurt
           and I am to die
           and I am to see
          I am to understand
          I know I hurt you
          But yet you hurt me
           why am I he who must die

      I have these pains I try to hide
      The dark feelings deep inside
      Look at me one last time
      Look at me as I try to die
      This fucking world is too much for me
      In a mysterious way
      You for fill my needs
      In a curious way
      As you press me over the edge
      As if it were not for you
      I might still press on
      Death seems so happy now
      I must only decide
      In such my happiness
      I want to die

Track 14 Braided Changes Of Your Heart MP3

   My do tell me why I am plagued with these thoughts. Please tell me why I am to loose my final connection with human kind in this way. I am not among the living here and not yet allowed to die. The screams of agony strip threw out this place and all is dark here. I am scared of these things around me, and the smell of death encapsules my senses.
     Oh gods what have I done so that you might let man kind treat me this way. Have I dishonored thee? I hold your knowledge safe with in my adoring mind. Abdul Alhazred told those of the earth your secrets so you captured him, yet I kept your secrets safe inside my mind. What have I done.

     Oh yes what have I done to diserve her pain? Why do you let this woman change? Why must I live with this love if she is no longer the one of wich I was to fall in love. I am to regret that I am me
     For my problem here and now with the life I have chosen to live is not that I do not love her. It is that I do not love who she has become. Yesterday and as I began our love she was so much more real and liked me so much. Her hands were there to please me, and her body there to touch mine. And now it has come that even those comforts have left our relationship.

So take this guilt with my pain. Take my life to the grave. I have no need for any thing with out you. I have nothing left in this world to do. I now know what love truly means. I know that all love can ever be is pain. Pain the kind that must come to an end.
I only wish it were so much easier to end this life
I only wish it were so much easier to end this life

I only wish it were so much easier to end this life
I only wish it were so much easier to end this life

Roses for you as I am dieing for you...
As I sit here in complete and honest misery I ponder as to what I have done to deserve this. Why do I sit here as I am, alone, almost wishing for death. Tonight was supposed to be a special night, a wonderful night. I had planned and planned to make every thing so fucking perfect for you, just the way you like every thing. Perfect just like what you expect from me, and now I sit here as you sleep so perfectly and my plans lay ruined. I sit here alone pondering to what I have done to deserve this. Why don't you even care as you sleep and I do not. As you sleep so perfectly. And I do not, instead I sit here and wonder why.

Track 15 Plastic World MP3

"We Die"
Man Unkind is such a fucking mess
   When he see's something new, he falls to his knees
You run away from eternity, hoping God forgives
   There is no hope to get what man needs
Do you realize, what a end of life means,
    worry free for an eternity, love a mere mortal end
While you drift away so peacefully,
   think common criminals teach Christian end of life.
Let's hope these men are right for you.
   The only thing that makes reality, is death
Welcome to the grave, this is security
   There is no other penetration into the world beyond,
lose all self control and drift with the dead
   You are but a stranger, to true reality
Tell me if you know so much, who's god is who's?
   You lose track of truth in your insecurity
There are a million things re-lived when you die
    If you must still rely on idol talk
Believe the words, which my lips speak
   Death is an ending to what is true hell
Not an escape from here, but to reality
   This is why your god can't tell you why man unkind
must die
they are so perfect
they are so droll
they make man drool
they give them control
they poison girls
they kill their soul
look at them smile
look at them cry
look at them

This world some times seems too much
It is plastic and fake
It kills a mans soul
It is so un real
come with me
envision reality
soo the truth
this fucking world

they are plastic
just like you
fake like the world
fake like you
only I like them better
they never lie
they never grow old
they never die
they are more real then you and this one is ready to control my life

"lyrics"
Sitting alone in this plastic world
you don't even know what time it is
You flock like a sheep this is your life
I see you as a whore inside your life.
You must belong to your plastic world
when you can't even see the out side
Living alone in this plastic world
you don't even know what time it is
Living your life just like a whore
when you need more money you'll loose your soul
Living alone in this plastic world
you don't even know what time it is
You only live to pay your rent
you don't even see the outside world
If I were you I'd take your life
with great rewards just like a whore.
You take your money and leave your soul
it must be nice to be a whore.
Bark like a sheep and take your life
but like a sheep with no life.
In your plastic world were every thing just slips away.
You don't even know what softness is
just live your sorrow into your grave.
All your life your flocked like a sheep
as it takes your life.
Living alone in this plastic world
you don't even know what time it is
Living your life like a whore...
the whore that's what you are.
You loose your body you loose your soul
Flocked like a sheep it takes your mind
And living and dying
it doesn't matter you fuckin whore

Track 16 For You (any thing) MP3

    Why do you insist, I mean continually insist on making me hate the way I feel about you? Why don't you just give up and get the fuck out of my life? Leave me here to die why don't you, quit pressing me to take my life. Leave me here alone and quit it with your bad intentions. I only loved you, this I will some day over come, quit making me regret my feelings. Quit making me regret what I have done. If you want him go and be with him, quit wondering inside your head. Quit feeding these lies to me and get out that door.
    I am tired of your shit all and all. I want an end to this madness. Please make up your mind before it makes me scare my self again. I almost left to the great beyond. Trying to see how you really feel. You don't give in to any of my pleas and I don't think you even care.
    If being alone is what you want then get there. Don't hang out upstairs and drive me crazy. I hate to know you are here when I know you are leaving me soon. I hate to have you there when all I want is your touch. I hate knowing you are there when I just want you to fucking care.
    I do not know what to say. I know you never cared about me. I was just a big pile of shit to you all along. Some one for you to use for every drop he had. Some one to pass your fucking time until the one in jail comes back to you. Don't lie to me any more and tell me the truth. You want out to be with him no matter what I do.
    So come clean with the way you want things. You won't make love with me and you do nothing to keep me by your side. Do you really think feelings are enough to make me stay? Now you want to leave what am I supposed to do? When every second of every day all I want is to be with you.
    Now you know the words I want to say but just can't. I love you too much to use these words. I want to but I can't. So instead I drift away in my depression deeper and deeper then ever before. I drift away to my own insanity, my own reality. My dark corner of the galaxy.
    This is my pain and I survive. I lived with out love before you and I never knew until you that love hurt worse then being with out. I never realized how bad my life was. I never realized before you how much I should not be here. I never saw how much better it was for me to be alone. How much I don't deserve this world.
    And as it is done it is by your sweet sword that I finish my life. I have no more reason to live, for living with out you is not life. I wish I knew how I pushed you away from me. I wish I knew that you did not care.
    And this for you I give my last and final kiss as to this the world I know I say good bye. For as it has come to an end between us it is time I do what ever it is that I must do to avoid such pain again.
Track 17 Degrigation MP3

I only want to die with out you. Please take me away, so I might leave this as I came. I wish to leave with the nothing I now have and the nothing I will ever have to give.

Track 18 Dirt Covered MP3

What could be so wrong with that from wich comes from the earth that makes ones problems seem so small. The peace and tranquility of wich it gives should be the gift from the gods to man. No one should control that wich comes from the earth. Some thing that keeps a man alive.

Track 19 Crying Sky MP3

The children sleep... they weep. So silent in their beds… they weep. The children cry for you. My heart cries for you. Alone under the crying sky. Alone and with out you. I have thus lived for a touch so deep of an angel then I have touched you. And now you are gone. And the skies cry for me. As I alone enjoy the crying sky.

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