Noxious Evisceration

Online Music Page 2

 

Enclosed with in this page is my music.
It may be dark.
It may be evil.
It may cause nightmares.
It may even be wrong.
Yet with all regardless.
Here it is for you.
Please listen and enjoy.

 

 

 



Listen at your own risk
Take your time to here it
Listen to the few words
Enjoy the dark sounds
Ask little from the gods
See this as sound
Here it as the music
upon the pages here with in
Track 20 It Sometimes Feels Like MP3


         
I WANT TO DIE

  Then you make me realize why it is I fell in love with you. Why I am here why I try so fucking hard.

 

 



         
I AM ALL READY DEAD

  Then you hurt me in your special way. You make me only wish I was dead. You hurt me with no virtue or care at all.

 

 

Then I see you and I realize I can't live with out this pain. I can't live with out the way you hurt me. I can't live with out your touch. I can't live with out you.
Track 21 This the Last Time MP3
    Oh I let you hurt me plenty. I can't take any more of this. I am going to go off and leave you. But you don't even care. How could you say you love me then not even care...
How can you push me so far away. How can you not care.
    What the fuck is wrong with you. How can you treat me this way? Are you pushing me away or are you pushing me too far? Are you testing me or are you trying to show me your hate? What is up here I want to here your words. You keep driving me away from you and telling me you love me. How is it I am supposed to handle?
    Is this supposed to be the last time. Should I let you go, what is wrong with me? I want to know what is wrong with me. I want to know why you don't want me yet you say you love me. I want to know how I am supposed to take this. I want this to be the last time you hurt me so. I want you to hurt me no more I want you to see what it is you do to me. I want you to see what you mean to me. I want you to realize that you are my entire world. I just want this pain to stop. It is always the same. When ever I am happy you have to make me hurt. I am tired of this aggravation. I am tired of this pain. Please stop the pain I want the pain to stop.
    I want to let you go but you mean so much to me. I wish you cared for me. I wish you wanted me truly the way you say you do. Quit hurting me so. Quit making me hate my self for loosing you.
    Please make this be the last time. Look into your heart, look into your soul. See what you are doing to me. Take me for who I am and live with me as I know I love who you are. I love the way you look and I love the person you are inside. Just let the inside out and don't hide from your self. Don't push me away, we need one another. We need the love we have to give and with that we can be so happy. We can be happy together.
    I would give but any thing to you. I will do any thing for you. I will be all that you could ever be from me. I am divine with in your arms. The angels could have not as perfect a touch. I am so happy with in your love. Wrap me in your love. Let free of your fears and see me as I am. I am here for you.
Track 22 Upon Disistment MP3
We are so close to being over and I am falling apart. When all our time has been so wonderful and you were the only one who ever made me happy. Why are we coming to this point. Why are we here?
WHY
WHY
WHY
WHY DISISTMENT?

Why do we have to drift away so miserably? Why do you have to make me want this end just because you don't know how you feel.
The truth is if you cared, if you truly cared you and I would be together for us to try to fix the problems we have together. You wouldn't run and hide from them. You would try. If you loved me you would be able to give a little. I am willing to give you every thing. I give you every thing I can, what is so wrong with giving a little. All I can see is that you lied to me to destroy my life and I can't figure out why. Why would you come in and hurt me so bad. What did I ever do to you to deserve such spite and hate. What did I ever do wrong to you for you to do these things to me.
Track 23 This Life is Fading Fast MP3
    As I fall to my knees the blood covers my eyes. You're not with me as I stair at the sky. My blood spills into rivers upon the ground. And you are not here holding me. I am alone wishing for some thing more.
    The angels hold their weight above me. They offer to take me away from this. I have no need to carry on. I have no need to tell them no. the darkness folds around my heart. The black sight of nothingness unfolds threw out my mind.
Track 24 Hey!! B... MP3
My body lays about treated true in justice for my sins. I have been treated fairly for what it is I have done. Torn from limb to limb. Thrown about in the pieces I do so deserve. I earned my pain, I earned my justice. I am scattered for the maggots.
I lay here in death. I feed off my visions of truth. I lay here waiting for some thing more. More pain, yet the pain has stopped. I am torn to and fro. I have nothing left here. I am slipping away so purely. Treated as I should for my sinns.
I keep the insects warm. As their heat is the only warmth I feel at night. I feel my fingertips no more. I am torn from here to there. I have been ripped apart to end my suffering to end your suffering.
Track 25 Going Places MP3
    I am going places with my soul. An evil savage place, deep with in my heart. I am killing my self with in. I am letting all of this shit slip away. I can see my body decay. I can feel my soul cry for the pains I am now undertaking. I am giving of my self for the last time. I am so with in this pain I only enjoy the suffering. I have blocked away from me behind a wall all that was good ness with in my heart. My mind slips as I take this trip.
    It is so easy to slip away with in this darkness. The hate which I despise becomes a part of me. The violent acts which I used to hide are envisioned and the pain tastes so good. I have let go of all the good parts of me. I have learned to accept this pain. I have let all the good things go.
    I crossed the line for you. I love my hate this way. I see the blood first. I feel it escape my veins. This pain is ecstasy I feel it taking over me. I feel it controlling me and I can't get back any of which I have let go. There is no more goodness with in my heart. There are no more pretty thoughts with in my head. There is no more blood in my veins. There is no more goodness in my heart. There is only my pain for you
Track 26 On My Knees MP3
    I wish I knew how you would become with out my heart and with out my love. I wish I knew how you would become with out me. Yet you are here for me to bring you down.

    I can hurt you as I see fit. I can please you when it is I wish. I can take you down on a decent beyond. I can make you laugh. I can make you cry. You are here under my control.
                   
    I am down on my knees begging you please, please don't leave me like this. I am only a man, I am down on my knees. Please darling my love please don't go.
    I want your tender love, your perfect kiss. I want your love your compassion. I want your lips against mine as they used to be when it meant so much to me.
Track 27 No Feelings Beyond You MP3
Kan you blaim me? If you were me wouldn't you wish you were dead. Can't you see that you are my entire world? I want to know when you sneak up behind me and read my words. I want to know when I get to have you back. I want to put these needle into my veins and have a little escape from this pain. I am so tired of feeling this way.
I am loosing touch with the outside world.
I am loosing touch with the outside world.
I am loosing touch with the outside world.
I am loosing touch with the outside world.
You destroy me...

The walls they drip their colors
in puddles on the ground
I onlywish I knew who it is
that stands in front of my view
This page that crawls under my pen
scratching words only I understand
I have locked in the key to my prison walls
so far away I cannot find
I move within the living lights
smooth in circles it's feelings I keep
I notice not the evil bad things
that try to break me into pain
Even for, ever and once, my mind is open clear
as true a feelings as ever once was
My eyes let off a single tear falling
swimming a decent to the floor
Im happy among the colors, sway circling
hoping, feeling forever
I like to feel this way again.
I feel so pure.
I feel so real. Just ask me.
I know every thing.
I feel the weight of the world coming off my back.
I have no more feelings...
I feel no more pain...
I feel no more with out you
I don't think I'm ever coming down
Track 28 Nothing Ever Happens MP3

    I am the man behind the glass. I see the world from the inside looking out. I sit alone with in my own reality. I sit here and stare at you from behind the glass. Do you feel safer with me her. Why can't you let me join. I can see all of your love your heat your pain. I am safe behind my glass. I see the world far different then you. I am the man from behind the glass.
    Do you feel so much safer with me here. Do you like to know that I sit here and stair. Could you understand that I see you and who you are. Do you see me staring at you from behind this glass. You mean nothing to me and I know every part of your life. I know your every emotion. I am the man from behind the glass.
    I am the face staring back at you. I am the one who watches you at night. I am in the shadows of your mind. I am the one you fear. I am the man behind the window of your soul I am the man behind the glass.
    I see your pain and suffering. I do survive to feed upon your hurt. I am the one beneath your feet. I am the one who sees your every step. I am the man who watches from afar. I see the details of your life as they grow, as they fall apart.
    Nothing lasts forever as you will soon find. All of your world will soon come tumbling down. Nothing good will stick around, for all your planning will not stop what's going on. I see all of the world as every thing. I am the man behind the glass. I see the world and every thing around. Trust in me I will always know.
Track 29 Man MP3
PLEASE!! Don't Leave
Don't leave me like this
Don't leave me this way
I am only a man


Look to me
Can't you see who I am
I am on my knees
I am only a man
When I look at you
I see all that I see
I see a love that is real
That is real to me
Can't you see who I am
Can't you see what I want
All about it I am only a man
Can't you see what I am
Can't you see what I need
Don't you see that I want
and about it I am on my knees
Because I am only a man
And I make mistakes
But you were always so..
I made just one mistake
But I feel this real
Inside of me
I've learned to take it
Cause I've taken it before
All I know is that
Your all I know
Your all I've wanted
And I want your love
You're the one I want
You're the best of me
After all of every thing I have done for you can't you see this is not the way to leave me.
Track 30 Tonights the Night MP3
    I disrespect you by planning on making you mine for one night. I do become what I most hate. I become one with you tonight. It is my plan to make you mine. Could tonight I have you. Could I expose you to my lust. Could I take you this way. I want to take you down. I want to make you beg. I want you to make me feel, the way I want to feel. I am nothing more then a whore. I abound myself with lustful thoughts of you. I want to make you mine. I want to take you down tonight.
    I don't care what you think. I don't care that you mean nothing to me. I am excited by the fact that I can use you this way. I just want to make you mine. I want to take you down. Tonight's the night I use you this awful way. Tonight I let you taste my lust. Tonight I treat you like the whore I am inside. I want to taste your flesh. Tonight it is just me and you. I want to make to squeal. I want to make you scream. And in the morning I will make you cry.
Track 31 No Fear MP3
I can't believe I have worked so hard for something and soon it will all be over. You have given me the taste of all my fantasies and now you are prepared to walk away from me.
Just tell me why this had to be you. Why did you have to sour.
What is so wrong with me what am I supposed to do. I am prepared to end this life I have nothing more that keeps me alive.

 

 

 

 It is the pain that keeps me alive.
It is this pain that keeps me alive.
Though I don't feel alive I yet so feel
no fear.
As if I were all ready dead.

 

 

 

  It feels as if I were all ready dead.
Though I hurt in my heart
I don't feel any pain
I feel no fear
No fear of any thing

I feel no fear of dying.
  I feel no fear of crying.
    I feel no fear of being alone.
     I feel no fear of being with out you.

Track 32 Waiting for a Kiss MP3
    My mind is slipping softly away from me and every day my heart grows darker and dimmer. Although I am now with the woman of my dreams my princess has moved on from my adoring love. I am faced with the greatest relationship of my existence and yet inside I hurt so fucking much and so deeply that my love for Mindy is driving me insane. I dream at night of walking up to her trying to make her realize that she hurt me so much inside. It is my life I wish to give to make her see what it is that I am inside. And Natasha sits by me graciously, but my doubts unfold with in my own minds eye. Mindy used to love me so preciously and dearly and for her I devoted my entire existence. I do love Natasha dear and true but how am I supposed to ignore these feelings that Mindy has left me with. How am I to ignore the one I promised my life to, the one I gave up every thing to be with. Mindy has left me with such confusion, is any woman even capable of love? Is it possible that Natasha will not leave me as Mindy did? Why did Mindy leave me? I gave her every thing she wanted, I gave her my heart my mind and my soul. I worked myself to death for her and did so very much. I gave up my job and friends just to be by her side because she said she loved me. Now Natasha says the same things and asks me the same questions and strokes my hair at night, what am I supposed to think? I feel inside that women are evil, the evil side of mankind. You can not trust a woman, you can not believe their tears. All the women since Mindy begged me only for the feelings I had for Mindy, they had words to describe her to me. They blastimize her for what she did to me and shun her for giving up what all of them are searching for. They all wanted me to love them as I loved Mindy, and yet then even if I gave them such love and comfort I feel deep with in that they would have evilly destroyed more of me as she did. Mindy was perfect for me, she pushed me to achieve more for myself and made me into a better man. My love for her was far beyond my love for myself, every moment I was not with her I was thinking of her. I worked hard to find the right career so I could afford to support her and her children. I allowed her two kids to call me dad, and I loved them as if they were my own children. I remember them as if they were my own children. My mind darkens with the pain, every day the hate for myself intensifies. I don't feel it letting up, and to find out that I am dying soon. The only thing I could do to take care of some of the pain was drink and get high with friends. And drink and drink, until my liver gave out and I can no longer drink. My side aches and the pains get harder to endure and the only thing Mindy thinks about me is a closed chapter in her life. I feel so used and violated, why did she have to destroy me this way. How can a human be so evil? Now I am with Natasha, I am not sure if I will live very long, maybe the doctors tell me, but does it matter? Natasha is the woman I have always dreamed of, and she says that she loves me, yet how am I to believe a woman? I believed Mindy and I gave her everything, I pitied her and her life, and I gave her more and more. I believed her hurtful lies and now I am hurt almost beyond repair because I believed her. I am now dying because I believed her, I have scars on my wrists because I believed her, and she feels she doesn't owe me an explanation. And I miss her and the kids. Bliss for me right now would be death, an end of this pain. An end of all this suffering and confusion, I liked being able to trust the words of others. I used to love to be with women, I used to be capable of love. What did I ever do to deserve such agony? How can a woman who appeared so perfect be so truly heartless and evil? Why doesn't god himself destroy such people so the rest of us can live a normal life? And now because of Mindy I can not trust or love as I used to be able to do. And now because of Mindy Natasha must suffer to be with me, no matter how much I try, she will hurt. I asked god to take me a few nights ago, "let me die," I asked of him, "I do not like what Mindy has turned me into." I feel as if he has granted my wishes. Soon I will be sitting with my lord, the pains have moved from my side and into my back. I feel he has granted my wishes. Mindy is why I have found god, it was her belief, and she did not agree with mine. I attended church in January and was finally baptized in March. I found so much out of life while I was with Mindy, and now that she has destroyed me I am grateful for what she gave. Natasha too could have given me these great things, yet now I don't feel like I can get over Mindy enough to give my heart. Mindy was my life, and with out her I have no reason to live. Deeper and deeper crawling with in deep with in this black hole of my self-conscious. Worthless and week I carry on, the only good thing about me is now Natasha. She is by my side keeping me alive, sleeping there next to me, in my bed in my heart. Natasha's kiss so tender upon my dry and dying lips. I adore myself with in the darkness and Natasha alone brings me light. My entire self worth is being justified by Natasha's sweet song, and I am in bliss about her presence. This is love, true love, the emotional side of pleasure, the only tastes of heaven I have yet to see. My body is giving out beneath me and my heart is broken from the evil one before her, yet in Natasha's arms I feel alive. I am dyeing on the outside as this shell is slowly rotting away, yet wrapped with in Natasha's love I feel so much better. She gives me the forgotten will to live and struggle with my disease, she gives me strength when there isn't any more inside of me. She lights up my day with the glimmering hope that life has so much more to give me. A child comes between us soon and I only hope and dream that I will be alive long enough to father her. My love is by my side adorned with in my heart, she stands by me showing her devotion, her sweet tenderness which gives me strength to struggle further more. My mind grows dim for words, I haven't the energy to move about, yet for her I carry on. I must prove my love to her, I must carry on. And further as I pass in time I realize how truly evil and wrong Mindy must be. She must have no heart or soul to have lied to me and hurt me the way in which she did. She hurt me so bad inside there are times when Natasha must hurt to be with me because I can not trust these feelings of love. Mindy has broken my pure heart and involved some one so pure and beautiful as Natasha into such pain.

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